Fans of the TV show Frasier may be able to appreciate the Wikipedia entry on Maris Crane, which helpfully compiles a list of her medical problems and various peculiarities:

Among other problems, it is revealed during the series that Maris exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting, cannot produce saliva, once had a $25,000 face lift and is allergic to roses. She also has abnormally rigid vertebrae, slightly webbed fingers and an underbite. Perfume gives her hives and her skin has no pigmentation. Getting angry causes one of her eyes to twitch.

Foods she claims she cannot eat (due to allergies or other reasons) include shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulfites, MSG, dairy and nuts. She also claims she is hypoglycaemic. It is revealed that Maris has an eating disorder, probably anorexia.

She has a fear of flying due to a bad experience when she was bumped from first class; she also dislikes public display of rhythm.

She cannot have pets because, according to Niles, she distrusts anything that loves her unconditionally (this contradicts the statement about the ocelot and the dogs, mentioned above).

She is too light to activate a whoopie cushion and is so weak that she once became trapped in a revolving door. She is also so weak that she couldn’t activate a clapper light. She once tried to stomp grapes to make wine, dancing herself into a frenzy, but did not crush a single grape. She needs help slamming a door, and does not leave footprints in the snow

She once sprained her wrist from having too much dip on a cracker. In another episode, Niles commented that wearing a pair of the latest hooped-earrings had compressed Maris’ spine.

She cannot ride a horse because her quadriceps are so tight she cannot straddle anything larger than a border collie (This is also later contradicted, in an instance involving chemical bonding, and a horse saddle Niles had bought her, although since she was doing a “Lady Godiva Impression”, she may have been riding side-saddle).

It was alluded to in the season three episode “Where There’s Smoke, There’s Fired” that she once was addicted to cough syrup.

Category: Theater

About the Author

Will Truman (trumwill) is a southern transplant in the mountain east with an IT background who bides his time taking care of their daughter while his wife brings home the bacon. You will probably be relieved to know that he does not generally refer to himself in the third-person except when he's writing short bios on his web page.

One Response to The Peculiarities of Maris Crane

  1. Peter says:

    On a more positive note, Maris is an excellent poker player and mixes a fine martini 🙂

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