trumpcansaveus

After a good deal of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it is critical for the sake of this country that we all vote to elect Donald J Trump the next president of the United States. Our future depends on it. If we play it right, his presidency may exactly what we need.

Donald Trump obviously loves democracy a great deal. He was outraged at the shenanigans in Colorado, Arizona, and elsewhere. Those were undemocratic maneuvers designed to rob him of the Republican nomination. And Donald Trump, of course, loves democracy. So much so, in fact, that it seems more likely than not that having been elected, he will declare future elections a betrayal of the democratic election that he won. What good is an election if four years later it can be taken from you? If a mere two years after you’re elected some other election can deprive you of your ability to do anything because of congress?

Beyond that, elections are guided by the special interests. Since there is only one Donald Trump, that leaves an awful lot of Not Donald Trumps in congress. Which is, when you think about it, pretty disrespectful to the election that would put him in the presidency. So congress would have to go. So President Trump becomes King Donald I, Protector of the Republic. I’m afraid from here, things will get worse before they get better.

First, there would be a band of rabble-rousers who would not consent to be so governed. The good news is that the US is sitting on quite a bit of unused land in Alaska. It would not be difficult to imagine some sort of arrangement being struck where he would rule Alaska with something of a light touch. In fact, perhaps something could be worked out where Trump’s quality kid, Ivanka, serves as Princess Regent for the area. She can live in New York, for the most part, but act as a sort of conduit between King Donald and the intransigents. It will be important at this point for the people of Alaska to build a fortress for Ivanka, the importance of which will become clear later.

As it happens, Donald Trump is not a Spring Chicken. He’s kind of up there in years. Theoretically, when he dies the crown would pass from Donald Sr to Donald Jr, but there are rumors that Eric is the sharper of the two. It seems as likely as not there would be a contested coronation. Followed by a civil war.

Autonomous Regency of Alaska

Autonomous Regency of Alaska

This is where Castle Ivanka comes in handy. Having a smart head on her shoulders, she will probably want very little to do with the second civil war. The Autonomous Regency of Alaska (could then welcome her and her family with open arms. Both of the brothers seem to care for their sisters a great deal, and will likely leave everything and everyone alone while they get it all sorted out.

From there, just hunker down.

When it is all over, and most of the country has been ravaged by war and self-destruction, it will be time to rebuild. There will, alas, be no functioning democratic institutions. The armies will be spent having been fighting one another. It will be easy for the Alaska Militia and Canadian Army to come in and take over. Chances are, Canada’s interest in administering over the United States will be somewhat limited. So it will be up to the good people of Alaska and Princess Regent Ivanka.

Ivanka has three children. It is critical at this juncture that we marry one of them off one of Prince William’s children. At that point, our royal families are united. I think there is a rule somewhere in there that means we become part of Britain again.

Which brings us full circle to where we were before the Revolution. Don’t let that get you down, though. Constitutional monarchies have proven to be kind of stable. Now, that is something we would have to ease into. It will be a long, slow rebuilding process. And baby steps are fine. Democracy is a weighty thing, and if there is anything this century and more particularly recent events have taught us, we are simply not equipped for popular democracy. certainly not one with a setup such as ours.

And only Trump can save us from it.


Category: Newsroom

About the Author

Will Truman (trumwill) is a southern transplant in the mountain east with an IT background who bides his time taking care of their daughter while his wife brings home the bacon. You will probably be relieved to know that he does not generally refer to himself in the third-person except when he's writing short bios on his web page.

3 Responses to Only Trump Can Save Us

  1. David Alexander says:

    Should we call your wife, and have her check on you and the baby? 🙂

  2. Peter says:

    When Trump made a campaign appearance on Long Island about a month ago, Ivanka appeared on stage with him and gave an opening speech. Which wouldn’t normally mean much, except for the fact that she had had a baby only a week before. That’s dedication.

    • Mike Schilling says:

      But had Ivanka flown 12 hours after her water broke to make sure the baby was born in New York?

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