I thought I had figured it out perfectly. When Mom asked what I would like for dinner, I would say “beef enchiladas.” I like her beef enchiladas, but not as much as I like her chicken enchiladas. The problem is that when I ask for the chicken enchiladas, I can’t then get the King Ranch Casserole. They both have torn chicken, you see. But the beef enchiladas have beef. So no problem! Until we get to what’s for dinner the next night.

Mom: What would you like for dinner tomorrow night?

Trumwill: How about King Ranch Casserole?

Mom: Can’t.

Trumwill: Why not?

Mom: Can’t have Mexican two nights in a row.

Trumwill: King Ranch Casserole isn’t Mexican. King and Ranch are English words. Casserole is… I don’t now, English or French, but not Mexican.

Mom: Corn tortillas.

Trumwill: Okay, fine. What about lasagne?

Mom: Ground beef. You had that tonight.

Trumwill: Well yes, but… we’re going from Mexican to Italian.

Mom: Ground beef. What about meat loaf?

Trumwill: I do like your meat loaf, but I’m not sure I want to use it for one of my few meals while I’m here. What if we went to Oysterland?

Mom: Can’t.

Trumwill: Why not? Oysters aren’t ground beef. No corn tortillas.

Mom: We always get one dish of regular and one of picante, right?

Trumwill: Yes?

Mom: That’s Mexican two nights in a row. Picante is definitely a Mexican word.

Trumwill: What if we just got the regular? I can live without the picante.

Mom: Would you want the regular or would you want the picante?

Trumwill: Well I like both, but…

Mom: I can’t take you to Oysterland and not let you order what you would want to order.

Trumwill: Then we’ll get the usual!

Mom: Can’t. Mexican two nights in a row. Can’t do that.

Trumwill: So it’s meat loaf?

Mom: Unless you can give me something you want that you haven’t just already eaten.

Trumwill: What would you do if I listened to a Meat Loaf record?

Mom: Have you?

Trumwill: No, but I will.

Mom: I think you can listen to and then eat meat loaf.

Trumwill: But I can’t eat enchiladas and then oysters.

Mom: Can’t. Mexican.

Trumwill: Damn.

{The sad thing is, if I’d just gotten the chicken enchiladas I wanted, I would have been able to get the oysters or the lasagne.}