To: contact@eiffeltheatergroup.corp
From: Guy Webster
Subject: Food & Service

Dear Theater Where I Can Get A Beer, Meal, And Movie At Once:

As a loyal customer of some time, I would like to commend you on staying open and even expanding your chain. At the same time, I must lodge my protest with the alterations to service recently provided. It is obvious that the quality of “standardized” pre-show entertainment in the chain has deteriorated. It is obvious, too, that the new waitstaff are either not receiving the same level of training, or not caring enough to be good waitstaff, as the previous employees.

I recognize that waitstaff have a high turnover rate since many are highschool/college kids, but one would hope the training would make up for this.

Finally, I must protest a number of the food-provider choices made recently, which have made it impossible for me to order a number of previously-favorite menu selections without the presence of foods I am allergic to. The worst offender, but not only offender, has been the cheese plate which formerly was orderable without the Jalapeno-Pepper Jack cheese, and now is not.

Sincerely,
Someone Who Will Not Be Spending Nearly As Much Money In Your Establishment Should This Continue.

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To: Alfred Matthew Yankovic
From: Guy Webster
Subject: Your Music

Dear Al “Weird Al” Yankovic,

First of all, thank you for the years of entertainment and laughs.

Second of all, please reconsider the method by which you are creating/marketing your recent music. Based on past album history, for my tastes, you have an aggregate 80% “entertaining” rating with the low on a given album being 70%. Based on the four songs produced for your new “EP” titled “Internet Leaks”, you are sitting at a mere 25%.

Also, as a fan of your whole band (who are, let us face it, insanely talented musicians), I miss seeing the rest of them in the background and bit-parts of your videos. The whole “animated music video” kick you have been on is somewhat entertaining, but it misses some of the essence of what has made your music great.

Sincerely,
A Fan.

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To: parking@facilities.sotech.edu
From: Guy Webster
Re: Aggressive incompetence

Dear Parking And Transportation Department Of My Employer,

You, collectively, as a department, are amazingly managing to be more inept and behind-schedule this year than the DMV. You simply suck.

Sincerely,
Angry.

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To: editor@dailypacker.sotech.edu
From: Guy Webster
Subject: Viewpoints come in more than one variety

Dear Chief Editor Of The Newspaper Of My Employer,

Please recognize that viewpoints other than those which exist in your rather insulated echo chamber, and the echo chamber of your classrooms, exist in the world.

Sincerely,
Aghast.