I’ve started listening to the 8th season of Frasier, which is the one immediately following the union of Niles and Daphne. As part of the terms for a non-acrimonious divorce from his four-day bride (that he just left for Daphne) he has to pretend to be her lover for a couple of months so that she can save face. You ever been in a situation where you’ve had to (or chose to) lightly pretend to be with somebody?
Due to some prior commitments, my ex Julie and I decided that we would keep the news of our breakup quiet. There’s nothing quite like kissing your ex-girlfriend in public days after you broke her heart. I can only imagine what the feeling was for her. What we didn’t know was that word has leaked within her family and the show we put on there was completely in vein. I should have known by the devil’s glare that they were all giving me.
You know how sometimes people get lonely and so they find someone to be physically intimate with to tide them over? I’ve never done that, but I’ve sorta done the inverse, wherein I’m not having sex with the person but I am going out with them and acting quasi-romantically (ie we’d act like we were on a date). Generally speaking they were the sort of people that I might be otherwise interested in but there was one huge thing (such as that they’d recently dumped a good friend or they were way too religious) that made a relationship impossible in my eyes. In retrospect I’m less sure that they were as sure about that as I was, though.
Of course, this sort of thing happens all the time with actors and actresses who have to kiss and act like they’re in a relationship without meaning anything behind it. Though I’ve done a bit of acting I’ve never done anything like that. Ironically I came somewhat close to assembling something that would have had me kissing Sally . It was a complete coincidence in that I didn’t know that she would be interested in the role. It never panned out and I was a bit relieved about that, to be honest. The whole thing felt more than a little odd.
In addition to Frasier, I’ve been recently watching the web-only series Something To Be Desired. I hope to write more about it later, but there was a subplot that was of some interest to me. A very minor character on the show set up something called NeedAWingman.com, wherein this guy will pretend to be your buddy for money. It’s good for cases where your girl is bringing a friend that you need distracted or if you just don’t want to be going to a bar alone.
The concept is, in my mind, genius. I say that because sadly I could really have used such a service back in the day. Most of my friends had left Colosse and I had been kind of slow to build new ones. More than once I found myself looking for a guy to take with me on some double-date or something, typically a girl from the online personals that was understandably nervous about meeting a strange guy alone. It’s actually quite embarassing in situations like that to say that none of your friends drink, most are bad in crowds, and you don’t trust most of them around girls.
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You ever been in a situation where you’ve had to (or chose to) lightly pretend to be with somebody?
I’ve never done that myself, but it’s the essential part of the job description (so to speak) for a beard or merkin.
A very minor character on the show set up something called NeedAWingman.com, wherein this guy will pretend to be your buddy for money. It’s good for cases where your girl is bringing a friend that you need distracted or if you just don’t want to be going to a bar alone.
I’e heard of such services. As I understand it, the hired wingman doesn’t merely pretend to be your buddy, but is a relationships expert and follows a strategy that will help you meet women.
I could see myself being a merkin if I have nothing better to do. It helps to be seen around attractive women.
I think what you’re talking about I think of as date trainers, which is slightly different from the NeedAWingman concept. Much more useful, though. I could have used one of those way back in the day!
It’s actually quite embarassing in situations like that to say that none of your friends drink, most are bad in crowds, and you don’t trust most of them around girls.
Believe it or not, women have a version of this problem, too. I would be in a situation where a guy I wanted to get to know better was going to be somewhere I wanted to go. Maybe he was having a party, or his friend was having a party, or people were going to a bar or club and I was invited along in a “stop-by” kind of way, but didn’t know anyone else well enough to go with them. Or maybe there wasn’t one particular guy I liked, but it was the kind of gathering where guys I might like would be.
Well, a woman can’t really just go by herself. Women don’t go places by themselves, and besides it looks desperate. Kind of negates the concept of “stopping by,” and also makes you way too dependent on him if you don’t know other people there. So I’d have to convince one of my friends to go with me. Maybe a guy, maybe a woman, but either way there was a huge possibility they’d blow it for me. If I could convince them to go at all. If it was a guy he might get way too drunk and act pathetic and make people think I was “with” him. Or creep out some other woman. A woman might act prudish when I drank. Or say something to undercut me when I was trying to act not-uncool.
Now, you might be thinking that if a guy’s really interested in you, he won’t just invite you to his party or to “stop by” somewhere, he’ll take the trouble to ask you out on a date. When I was younger, though, it seemed like so many guys had these huge groups of friends from high school and college they were always with. They didn’t do a lot of one-on-one relating. So I was always at a disadvantage because I didn’t have that.
I don’t have experience in the way of the parties that you’re talking about, but I can believe it due to my experiences at public venues. One thing that Clancy remarked that she was impressed by about me was that I had no trouble going to concerts and movies alone. I think it’s easier for guys than ladies, but it still looks unimpressive when you’re flying solo. I never had much success picking up women at bars, though notably it happened more often when I was with someone than when I was alone. It sounds counterintuitive, but random girls are much less likely to ask a guy that’s there alone to dance than a guy she sees talking to another guy or a group of guys. I’d imagine the same is true in a different way for ladies.
I know that this isn’t exactly what you’re talking about, but it relates in my mind.
Now, you might be thinking that if a guy’s really interested in you, he won’t just invite you to his party or to “stop by” somewhere, he’ll take the trouble to ask you out on a date. When I was younger, though, it seemed like so many guys had these huge groups of friends from high school and college they were always with. They didn’t do a lot of one-on-one relating. So I was always at a disadvantage because I didn’t have that.
I think just about any comment that begins with “if a guy/girl is interested, he/she will [perform some action]” is going to be wrong more often than right and is up the alley of “If he/she has a problem with [some perceived defect on your part, most frequently but not solely excess weight] then it’s his/her problem.” Such things assume that people are more straightforward than they are.
I’m a one-on-one guy, so the lack of one-on-one relating is one of the reasons that I don’t go to as many parties or large-group activities. Especially when I don’t know a whole lot of people there. It’s amazing that I met Clancy at such a gathering.
I think what you’re talking about I think of as date trainers, which is slightly different from the NeedAWingman concept.
Around a year ago I read about a date coach in Manhattan who charges a couple thousand dollars for weekend training sessions. He’s booked most weekends of the year and takes two or three men at a time, so there are some significant revenues involved. The sessions start on Friday afternoon with “classroom” training, then on Friday night they go to a nightclub where the date coach hits on women while the students watch. Saturday afternoon there’s more discussion and teaching, and on Saturday night it’s off to another nightclub. This time the students approach women while the coach observes, offering advice if necessary. Sunday afternoons the session concludes, with the students approaching women at a coffee shop or bookstore.
Supposedly, a man who attends one of these weekend sessions is nearly guaranteed to get several women’s numbers and has a good chance of scoring. Keep in mind, however, that the date coach doesn’t accept just anyone (there are always more applicants than openings so he can be choosy). If you’re a fat, greasy-haired introverted science fiction nerd still living in Mom’s basement at 35, you’re chances of being accepted are pretty slim.