One of the crazier dieting ideas I got was in college when I read (erroneously) about how the body needs something like a gallon of water a day and that if the body got that much it would deal with calories more efficiently. So I started drinking a lot of water. A. Lot. Of. Water.

I learned pretty quickly that there was about a 45-minute turnaround between when I drank 1/2 gallon of water or more and needing to take care of my business and I made plans accordingly. One day I drank my morning gulps at work (I had an overnight job) and immediately got in the car to head to the Southern Tech campus to take my morning classes. There was some multi-car accident that had the entire Interstate closed. Traffic was at a standstill. Fifteen minutes, twenty, thirty, forty-five.

Gulp.

I realized that I had to do something. I couldn’t even pull off the road and use a public restroom. I had only one option: Three empty quart water bottles that I was bringing back with me to the Sotech campus to refill.

By the time I got back to the dorm, I had filled two of them and was over half-way on the third.

When I got back to the dorm I was so proud of myself for getting myself out of quite a jam that I immediately decided to share this story with my best friend Clint. Before he could respond I got the whole story out there. Then I had to relieve myself of the rest of the water I had drank that morning. When I got back I noticed that I had somehow closed thechat window I had open with Clint and opened one with my mom. Then I remembered how similar there names were, how I’d misdirected messages before, and realized what had happened.

“Must be nice being male,” Mom replied.