A post over at Becky’s place about television stereotypes spun off into a discussion between AndiePandie and I about children, marriage, and decisions. I take the position that the decision to have a child ought to be made before one gets married and should be made with a degree of certainty that your mind will not change later.

It’s an ironic position for me to take because neither my wife nor I are sure about the subject. We have both decided, however, that we can go either way and that if either of us doesn’t want them, we won’t have them. I could go on and on about it the factors in our personal decision, but right now I’m thinking more about the decision in general and the decision-making process.

Of the three Truman boys, the middle brother Mitch has the makings of the best father. He is also the one of the three of us that – absent a divorce – is certain not to be a father. His wife announced that she didn’t want kids and he accepted it with such grace that it surprised all of us (he had the kids named!).

Of all the issues that a couple faces, I think that the two most uncompromisable ones are marriage and children. If they don’t agree as to whether or not marriage is a sacred vow or a piece of paper, that’s not something that’s going to go away. But even bigger than that is the issue of children. If you have always or never seriously pictured yourself with children, then you really should think twice before “compromising” on that. Even more important, though, is that if someone has made their view to you on the matter clear, listen to what they’re telling you because not only is their mind unlikely to change, but even if it does do you really want to raise children with someone that doesn’t want them or feel the resentment of someone that sacrificed them to be with you?

But the question of whether or not to procreate is a serious one and I’m rather surprised at those that d0n’t take it very strongly in to consideration when choosing a partner. Someone (Mitch, I think, actually) told me that the four pillars to any marriage are money, family, religion, and sex. There has to be some harmony on all four or the relationship will collapse in due time. Of the four, family is the only one that a compromise cannot be reached on. It is, in my mind, the most important.

Yet a surprising number of people I know are willing to jettisen their instincts on the matter for the right person. Usually in some sort of very strange “But I’m in love” kind of way that defies logic, common sense, and long-term happiness. But if the composition of your future family (if you have feelings predominantly one way or the other, of course) isn’t something you’re willing to take a stand on, what is?

The more controversial view that I have here, I suppose, is that I believe that once you make a decision, you are making a commitment on the child issue just as surely as you are on the spouse issue. If you get married saying you want children and change your mind, you’re agreeing to father or bear children. If you get married to someone that doesn’t want kids, you’re committing to spending the rest of your life without children. Things like illness or infertility/sterility happen, of course, but barring that if you change your mind on that subject, the fallout (not including anything criminal, of course) falls more-or-less on your head.

When I think of Mitch and my sis-in-law, I can’t help but really, really hope he meant it when he said that not having children was a sacrifice he truly is happy to make. Cause if he changes his mind on that (or worse, thinks he can change hers), he won’t really have anyone to blame but himself.

I jerry-rigged an out-of-use cell phone to be my second alarm clock for when the batteries run out on my regular phone. It’s the first time I’ve turned it on since getting my current battery-glutton of a cell phone, so it came as a bit of a surprise to see that I had a message on it and that it was actually picking up a signal. Did they forget to turn it off?

I dialed the voicemail number, but it went to my wireless company’s headquarters instead. I hung up and dialed again, thinking I might have made a mistake, but the result was the same. It also dialed the WCHQ when I dialed the landline. So apparently they keep the phone active so that you can call the company and activate it for real if you need to.

I’m reminded of a story from some time ago about a man whose life was saved by his cell phone company’s telemarketer. Basically the guy had run out of prepaid cell phone minutes when he found himself stranded on a mountain. The cell phone company called him to ask him whether he wanted to buy more minutes. He said something to the affect of “Later, but right now I want off this dang mountain” and through the sales rep they got him some help.

I imagine having a phone that is always active but can only connect to the cell phone company may be a win-win proposition in that vein. In fact, I’m almost tempted to keep the phone in my car for emergencies except that (a) it would require me to buy a second alarm clock, which I am adamantly and illogically opposed to, and (b) I have enough trouble keeping the cell phone I actually use charged and two would be asking for it.

Meanwhile, though, the old phone has a voicemail frozen in amber. I did, however, finally discover what the Coffee Phone thing was all about. Apparently it shows up whenever I open a java script, such as my game or the Internet or any phone use that’s not actually using the phone portion of the phone.

One year ago today, half of Deseret celebrated the Fourth of July. A couple pious mayors decided that it would be inappropriate to celebrate a secular holiday on the Lord’s Day and proposed that the fireworks be held on the fifth. Some vaguely recalled something about Church and State being separate, but academic knowledge unused atrophies. Some, amazingly, suggested that to hold the public displays on the fourth constituted religious discimination against The Brethren because they would not be able to partake.

Those of us new to the area looked around and disbelief at the discussion it would never even occur to us needed to be had. Celebrating the fourth on the fifth?

Ultimately, they put on demonstrations both days.

I didn’t see either as I was out of state. Ironically, the rain was falling hard on the fourth of July, so I saw Fifth of July fireworks, too.